Considering the last couple of posts authored by me were about my personal training I imagine most of you think I endure all of it honing my combative skills in an effort to protect the innocent, liberate the oppressed, or otherwise stand in the gap against the odious armies of darkness and save little babies. It’s an egregious lie and I will set the record straight immediately.
The reason I participate in such arduous training isn’t to protect children; it’s to DEFEAT them.
Here is photographic evidence of an unprovoked attack by a cell of kids who mistakenly thought I was a soft target. This merely proves what many of us have suspected for some time: Children are dangerous and a dire threat to Western Civilization as we know it.
I managed to keep the conflagration contained to the den for at least an hour as bodies were carelessly hurled into couches; wedgies, noogies, and horse bites were dispensed at a cyclic rate.
The little demons resorted to breaking out various weapons from a seemingly inexhaustible cache. I was beginning to lose the arms race.
Despite their violent gun play my superior skills overcame their technological advantage and the battle ended badly for them.
There is only one time proven technique to truly defeat the chaos of marauding children: the application of discipline. Of which, I happen to carry around a good dose of at all times.
Note the sadistic joy the younger sister takes at her brothers’ expense. It’s all about divide and conquer; besides as Robert Heinlein says: Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
In the end there is nothing like pushups to confound evil forces and send them packing right back into the kitchen ensuring the dishes get done right this time.
America’s 1stSgt; keeping adults sane one pushup at a time.