If you’re like me you usually spend most each episode verbally berating the characters for their idiocy and cast judgement on the writers for their inconsistent character development. I could spend this post pretty much venting my spleen on the poor judgement of the characters but everyone probably already does that. Besides, you can’t blame fictional characters for being stupid just because the writers need a plot device. For example, at the end of the final episode Rick’s vehicle runs out of gas and they lament they have no supplies, blah, blah, blah. At which I wonder how they have nothing since they just left a highway loaded with cars containing whatever supplies and gas they didn’t take at the beginning of the season.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Instead of doing that (well I’ll do some of that), I’ll just go over a short list of things you could expect out of me in a similar scenario and you happen to be nearby:
1. America’s SgtMaj is the leader of the group. Sorry, I’m an alpha male with 20 years of military leadership under my belt. Yes, 20 years of making sound and timely decisions trumps: “You’re not the boss of me!”, crybaby bull crap. Resistance to my authority in an emergency such as the Zombie Apocalypse will be handled swiftly and with an amount of force equal to or slightly greater than the level of hostility displayed by dissenters. This does not preclude me from abdicating my authority to someone I think might do a better job of it. As a senior enlisted adviser in my day job this is pretty much what I do already. I find it interesting it has taken Rick two seasons to figure out what I know from day one of the apocalypse:
|THIS IS NOT A DEMOCRACY ANYMORE|
Having established this let us move on…
2. No one goes anywhere without a buddy. In the military this is commonly referred to as The Buddy System. This means no one goes anywhere alone. This prevents folks like Dale from wandering out into open fields at night to have his guts ripped out by a zombie who was there because dumb ass Carl was wandering alone in the woods yatta, yatta, the thing, the thing.
|“La-de-dah, I’m a big boy in a zombie infested swamp. What could possibly go wrong?”|
As a side note, if your kids can’t obey simple rules like not touching other people’s weapons, or wander off all the time, I will spank their ass clean off. It’s the apocalypse and we don’t have time for lectures, only discipline. Am I the only one who wants whiny little Carl to die? I was actively cheering for the zombie to get him in the swamp scene. Yes, where he lost a pistol which he stole from Daryl’s saddle bags (a spankable offense in any reality).
3. Someone will be on watch at all times. Military types will see this and groan, recognizing it for what it is.
|Has binos and a scoped rifle, yet somehow never manages to see approaching hordes of undead.|
That’s right, standing duty. One of my many gripes about the show is a lack of security and accountability of personnel and equipment. The person on watch will likely be stationed in the most tactically advantageous position to keep overwatch 24 hours a day. The watch will also be given a notebook to write down significant events of the day and to help enforce the next rule which is…
4. No one goes anywhere without telling someone. What a novel idea! Here’s a crazy thought, what if the watch stander above wrote down where and what time each buddy team was going off to? I know, I’m just a goose stepping Marine SgtMaj set in his rigid ways. I guess this would also take away the plot device where everyone goes bat guano looking for someone, because all we’d have to do is ask the watch stander.
5. We will have a plan. This is something the folks on the show never have. Here is a basic idea of what I mean. In my group we would ensure all the vehicles are topped off with fuel daily (provided we have any) and are parked in such a manner as to facilitate the Get The Hell Out Of Dodge plan. The characters in the show are reactionary and they suck at surviving. Anyone tagging along with America’s SgtMaj will know the bug out plan to include rally points and locations of caches containing emergency supplies placed sometime prior. In the last episode everyone just happens to show up at the spot where they lost Sophie. There was no prior planning on this just dumb luck.
Other plans would include what we would do in order to defend ourselves against other people, and against hordes of zombies shambling out of the tree line. This leads us too…
6. This is what guns are for: Essentially, pistols are for fighting our way to our rifles. Rifles are for fighting our way to the vehicles so we can escape the insanely huge army of zombies eating their way through the countryside. If there are more zombies than bullets there is no fighting to be done, just running and shooting things in our way. Notice I said: “…in our way.” Turning around and shooting undead which are not currently an obstacle preventing your escape is a waste of ammo and will only cause to trip and get eaten. Also, shooting from speeding vehicles generally results in a miss, particularly when only head shots count. Even the infamous “drive by” is done at a very low rate of speed if one actually intends to hit the target.
I could go on but I have lamented about this show before. At any rate, it’s been a little while since we discussed the zombie scourge. I know I feel better for it.