This is what we call a no $#!*ter.

Been wondering of late why TV and movie writers can’t seem to create anything worth the paper it’s written on? It’s because real life is more fantastic than the made up stuff by far. Was hanging out with some of my fellow 1stSgts recently and was regaled with a story too good to be made up.  
It was fine spring morning in the Company Headquarters when a young Marine marched smartly to the 1stSgt’s office asking to speak with him. The good 1stSgt, relishing the opportunity to interact with one of his troops, invited him in.
Marine: “Good morning 1stSgt, I’d like to take a week of leave.”
1stSgt: “Sure. What’s going on?”
It was a fair question. Often Marines request to take some leave to attend a buddy’s wedding, family reunion, sibling’s graduation, or other milestones we often miss while otherwise deployed and bayoneting the forces of evil. As leaders we kind of like to know what’s going on in our Marine’s lives.
Marine: “I need to waste this dude back home. He’s been messing with my mom.”
1stSgt: “What?”
Marine: “Should be able to take care of it in about three days or so. I just need to handle my business.”
1stSgt: “Are you kidding me?”
Marine: “Well, I didn’t want to go UA [AWOL]. So I figured I’d ask to take leave first.”
1stSgt, reaching for the phone: “The SgtMaj is never going to believe this.”
It’s a scene you’ll never see on TV. I guarantee it.
Semper Fidelis!
America’s 1stSgt
/ / / /

16 comments

  1. Top,
    I wish I had a few guys like that in my platoon in Iraq!
    “Can I go home so I can kick some guys butt who’s messing with my mom?”

    If he can’t go home, tell him to e-mail me and I’ll see what I can do for him.

  2. I don’t think CI misunderstood either… I think he does understand the sanctity of Mom’s though. As a mom the first thing I think is… the Marine is honest and loyal. Not bad qualities.

  3. What I love is his respect for Marine rules (don’t be UA), and his complete disregard for larger society rules (with “don’t murder” kind of topping the list).

    What I really want to know is what words of wisdom your fellow 1st Sgt imparted to this young man. My advice would be to get Mom enrolled in a good martial arts class. Then, if she is so inclined, she can beat the whatsit out of people who aren’t showing her the proper respect without any help from her son.

  4. Top,
    You were pretty clear in your writing…don’t forget, the Marines gave us ammo in Fallujah when the Army forgot! I’m always very happy to pay back anyway and as often as I can…ammo is pretty important to a shooter.

  5. Makes perfect sense to me. I ask my 1SG if I can kill people all the time. Maybe one of these days I’ll even get permission…

    But that is definitely hilarious. I want to know what the response was, too!

  6. Magoo, I think he may have been called a lot of things that day.

    Kristine, although I too appreciate the sentiment (and honesty) we can’t unleash young Marines on an unsuspecting populace. Not sure we would be doing this young man any favors by adding murderous to his list of honest, loyal traits.

    Bookworm, if there was more to the story I was too busy wiping tears of laughter to hear it. I’m sure what ever the issue was it was taken care of.

    CI Roller, I suppose I can understand the desire to have more killers in your ranks.

    Saker, careful what you wish for. Seems there is plenty of conflict to go around these days. It’s always best to ask your 1stSgt prior to any endeavour.

  7. Wow, you gotta love that he had his mom’s back – but I agree with Bookworm that there might be other ways (besides murder) that he could help his mom. Hey – at least he didn’t want to go UA!

    A few years back, I had a similar offer from a couple a Sailors who wanted help me “take care of a problem.” The only thing is, they were not tough Marines, they were Intel Specialists sitting in a dark room, listening to “Insane Clown Posse” while reviewing imagery from Iraq. I actually thought they were serious and they scared me. I told them, “Thanks guys, but I think I can handle this one!”

  8. Chantilly, did they ruggedly push their glasses back on their nose and declare they would cast ‘Magic Missle’ while rolling a 20 sided die?

    Shay, indeed! Then again, hopefully we make some kind of impact on them.

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