According to news sources, Iran has a female ninja army comprised of 3,500 highly trained and lethal assassins. These cold eyed killers are stealthily waiting to perforate invading infidels with throwing stars while baffling victims with their acrobatics. In addition to the traditional black clad ninja, they’ve got camouflaged ninjas, tiger striped ninjas, and invisible ninjas. No confirmation as to earlier reports of ninjas with laser beam eyes though.
This wanton, aggressive use of tumbling and sword jumping poses a clear and present danger to U.S. interests and is no doubt a major destabilizing factor in the region. I suspect the whole nuclear arms thing was merely smoke and mirrors to distract us from the true insidious threat of Iranian ninjas.
As a countermeasure, I have instituted a rigorous training regimen of Zumba for all the Marines. I just pray it’s not too late.
Fleet Anti-ninja Security Team Company