They got ninjas!

According to news sources, Iran has a female ninja army comprised of 3,500 highly trained and lethal assassins. These cold eyed killers are stealthily waiting to perforate invading infidels with throwing stars while baffling victims with their acrobatics.  In addition to the traditional black clad ninja, they’ve got camouflaged ninjas, tiger striped ninjas, and invisible ninjas. No confirmation as to earlier reports of ninjas with laser beam eyes though.

This wanton, aggressive use of tumbling and sword jumping poses a clear and present danger to U.S. interests and is no doubt a major destabilizing factor in the region. I suspect the whole nuclear arms thing was merely smoke and mirrors to distract us from the true insidious threat of Iranian ninjas.
As a countermeasure, I have instituted a rigorous training regimen of Zumba for all the Marines.  I just pray it’s not too late.
Semper Fidelis!
America’s 1stSgt
Fleet Anti-ninja Security Team Company
/ / / /

17 comments

  1. 1. Your commentary and suggestions are about as useful as anything I have heard come out of downtown DC.
    2. See a corner office in the West Wing in your future.
    3. BTW all the Zumba instructors I have seen are wise Latinas (Trans: 200#+ heifers).
    4. Do you an injury if they fall on you. Maintain safe distances during POI.
    V/R JWest

  2. Will your ninjas wear the tiger print outfits. I think those are kinda cute and could really distract the enemy. the only thing better would be to have one designed by JuicyCouture.

  3. Might I advise against the zumba? It’s clear that only one thing could defeat Iranian Ninjas… English Morris Men:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2_NpHUiIdc

    Clearly, stupid outfits, big sticks, rhythmic jumping and jigging about can only be combatted by individuals with stupider outfits, similar big sticks, rhythmic jumping and jigging about set to jaunty music, and bells on your knees.

  4. CI Roller, didn’t you watch the video? They can totally block a .45 with the bo shield technique.

    Magoo, I’m sure a crack commando team of English Morris Men will be a welcome addition to the coalition forming to combat this threat.

    Kanani, my first Zumba video is forthcoming.

  5. MSgt B, in the modern age of social media it is always best NOT to post pictures.

    Book, you’ve taken the first step on the path to become a Zumja, combat dancer.

    Christina, I think I have a pinch too many followers to qualify, but thanks!

  6. OH?

    Too cool. But, I’m kinda surprised that I am surprised by the outcome.

    I had half suspected that the P v N war would turn out to be one of those eternal G v E battles. Come to think on it a bit more, it’d be more of a E v E type deal, wouldn’t it?

    -Grimmy

    PS. I’m sure the Port-o-Potty cleaners are glad the battle’s done.

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