There’s no crying in the apocalypse!

Thoughts on Season 4 of The Walking Dead.   

As regular readers of Castra Praetoria know, we do our fair share of zombie slaying and commentary here. In the past I have bemoaned the utter lack of common sense displayed by the survivors of the show. I have even posted a quick list of rules you could expect out of me in the event of a plague of undeath.

*Spoilers ahead!*

I watched the season premier the other night and wasn’t disappointed on the whole. For many the main criticism of the episode seems to focus around the crashed helicopter on the roof of the store the characters are looting. Somehow the helo failed to cave in the roof when it crashed, yet walking corpses suddenly pass through it like cheese paper. I’m somewhat more forgiving of this since it set up a great scene of zombies raining down on the characters in the store below.  Zombies falling out of the ceiling into splintering heaps of gore is a great time in any reality. 

Besides, I’m more interested in why characters don’t react to the ongoing apocalypse like, well, me. Stookey, who gets trapped under a fallen shelf of booze, reaches out with his bare hand to fend off a crawling zed as it approaches him.  This would have been cool if he’d rammed his fingers into its brain through the eyes or otherwise caved in its feeble skull (zombie skulls in the series seem to be composed of cardboard). Since Stookey was surrounded by broken glass I would have thought ramming a shard of it into the monster’s brain would have done the trick. Stabbing the thing repeatedly in the eye with the neck of a broken bottle would have been the America’s SgtMaj thing to do.  

Then we have Rick who violates nearly every rule of survival by wandering alone in the woods to check snares. How is it Hershel has to convince a career cop to carry his gun outside the wire with zombies at the gate? We are also led to believe he is supposed to haul deer carcasses back to the prison all by himself. Every hunter I’ve ever met who has done so isn’t excited to repeat the experience.  

I also wonder why Carol has to keep her children’s knife fighting class a secret. Children in my camp would be trained ninjas. When the dead are walking everyone has to be capable of protecting the group. I still maintain the number one zombie fighting weapon is a hammer, particularly for those untrained in edged weapons use.

I suppose if there were an apocalyptic show starring America’s SgtMaj it would get boring quick. By the end of the first season I’d be warlord of the east coast of North America. I suppose I can dream though.

Stayed tuned for next weeks episode as America’s SgtMaj brains zombies with a tomahawk and taunts other survivors for their stupidity! Same American time. Same American channel.

Semper Fidelis!
America’s SgtMaj

/ / / /

15 comments

  1. Just think of the fun that could be had if, instead of a bunch of civvies, it’d been a fire team of USMC grunts that were to survivor stars of the show.

    Sure, the zombie killing scenes would start out as boring time fillers since they’d be By the Numbers, SOP, Killemallism at least at the start.

    But, then, grunts being grunts, they’d start getting creative. Then they’d start getting really creative. Then their creativity would start pushing up against the bounds of physical possibility and, then beyond.

    But most of the show each week would be about the antics, pranks, revenge pranks and utter chaos that young, unsupervised, enlisted Marine infantrymen would, by necessity, get into.

    – Grimmy

    PS. by episode 2, season 1, it’d open with a scene of a Marine running desperately down a street. He’d be jinking and jerkin’, constantly head swiviling, etc and so on.

    Then, he’d drop to a knee and raise his rifle. Bang! and the camera would pull back to show two zombies, that had been one directly behind the other, dropping dead from a single bullet passing through both their heads. A third zombie behind the other 2 in, more or less, straight line, would be splattered with zombie gore, but still shambling forward.

    The camera would then pull back farther, to show the rest of the fire team on a nearby roof. They’re all laying prone at the edge of the roof and watching the runner down in the street.

    One man is cussing, the other two laughing. One of the laughing ones says “see! No way you can get a bullet to stay straight enough to get a threefer! Now pay up!”

    The cussing one then hands over a pack of smokes to each of the laughers.

  2. The real problem is that the point of the show is the show and the only way to keep the show going is to add incompetence that lowers the survivors’ actual effectiveness to just above the level of the undead.

    An efficient fire team would do the smart thing but that doesn’t sell diapers and deodorant.

  3. Why thank you many muches, sir.

    My momma always told me that my psychotic imagination would come in handy, someday.

    – Grimmy

  4. Leslie, bless you. I do take up a lot of space.

    Anonymous one, true, if the characters were competent I suppose the show would be boring. One would suppose you could have competent characters in challenging scenarios though.

    Grimmy, I imagine I’d have to keep you in bounds and highly supervised.

  5. Oh, you and your spoilers.

    I had to endure him indoors whinging (again) about the how the petrol would have gone off by now.

    I had only two thoughts.

    1. How did all those zombies get on the roof in the first place?
    2. Why didn’t they continue the palisades that they erected at the gate around the rest of the perimeter? (I’m ignoring the twitching irritation in the back of my mind that a flippin’ prison’s outermost perimeter would be a chain-link fence. There’s beefier fencing around my garden than that.)

  6. Mrs. Salad, I agree. I would have constructed the spiked wooden palisades around the fence line to keep the hordes of undead from knocking it down. Remember, prisons are designed to keep people in, not necessarily out.

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