The Walking Dead: There’s No Crying In The Zombie Apocalypse!

Last week began the highly anticipated second season of AMC’s The Walking Dead. Great show, love it. But they never do what America’s 1stSgt would do in a post apocalyptic, zombie slaying scenario. It really chaps my hide.

*SPOILERS* (If you haven’t watched it yet I only have derogatory comments to make about you.)

Fifteen minutes into the season premiere and the “survivors” were already pissing me off. Let me count the ways:

1. How about 360 degrees of security?

    Last season their camp was over run by the ravenous undead because security sucked. Seems they learned nothing from this incident and stop on a highway jammed with abandoned cars. As they loot the vehicles for fuel and gear (and spare parts because their RV has broken down too. Surprise!) the guy on over-watch somehow misses the shambling HORDE of zombies lurching up from behind them. How in the world they didn’t drive through this same herd of undead earlier is left up to the viewer to figure out.  At any rate, a little vigilance on the part of the characters would be nice especially considering two of them are cops.

2. Ever hear of the word reconnaissance?

    They have one guy on a Harley as forward recon (real stealthy) and they get all jammed up on the highway before he comes back to tell them there is no way through. Kind of defeats the purpose. I am also not jazzed about riding a motorcycle around during the Zombie Apocalypse in the first place. I suppose it’s a personal choice.

3. When the zombies come they decide the best course of action is to get under the cars. WTF?

    Get under the cars? How about get in the cars you clowns? Better yet, get off the road and into the tree line.  I will say hiding under the dead bodies was brilliant. For me the hero of the show is Daryl even if I think he is dumb for riding a motorcycle.

4. How is it almost everyone in their group remains unarmed? They’re in AMERICA.

    Seriously, if you are in the land of the Second Amendment during the Zombie Apocalypse and are unarmed it is your own stinkin’ fault. When almost everyone is (un)dead there will be guns and ammo everywhere. Try a Wal-Mart for heavens sake.

5. If you don’t want your gun taken away then you shouldn’t put it down. EVER.

   The Havamal, the book of Viking wisdom, advises never to take a step without your weapons. In the Marine Corps we call this weapons accountability. When zombies stalk the streets this is called common freakin’ sense!

6. Those dumb enough to lose their guns should not expect to get them back, especially if they have tried to kill themselves last season.

   During the Zombie Apocalypse the proper response to members of the group who are demanding guns but have demonstrated suicidal tendencies in the past is: “We are not wasting good bullets on humans just now. Here is some rope and I see plenty of trees. Either way just get busy and quit bitching.” 

7. America’s 1stSgt is a combat tracker and would not return to camp without your little girl.

    Tracking at night is indeed impossible. However, a good tracker will “sleep on the spoor” and continue at first light. Zombies be damned.

In the end I think the band of survivors in The Walking Dead are completely lacking in good order and discipline. What they could use is one of these:

Semper Fidelis!
America’s 1stSgt

/ / / /

22 comments

  1. I should write them a sternly worded letter, if i were you, and demand they appoint you as an advisor. You could fit that in around your other job, right?

    Oh, and as for your derogatory comments for those of us who haven’t yet seen it, *raspberry*

  2. “We are not wasting good bullets on humans just now.” So is a bad bullet one that has penetrated your body verses one you make penetrate someone else’s body?

    I recently had two images come across my path that have reminded me of you… I’m emailing them now.

  3. i’d love to watch it but unfortunately i live in the past, remember? At this exact moment i have 9 hours and 31 minutes until it airs here.

    What’s it like in the future? Do you all have hoverboards and speak Panglish?

  4. I think it would be good TV if this group met a highly motivated group of Marines who were also roaming the earth. During the show they could taunt them for their stupidity and then just simply disappear at the end of the show with a note telling them they are stupid and not worth the effort to take along. I wonder how many more suicides this would inspire? Its also a good mechanism for introducing some new cast members while they get rid of the whiny ones.

  5. Top,
    I get a laugh in movies like that…but remember…in the horror chainsawmurdering flicks, the pretty girl always runs into the woods = away from help and gets killed.
    The civilain firearms training I do now I laugh because most of the new shooters are really worried about when the “big one comes”.
    …and I ask them: “you mean when the Zombies attack?”
    They look at me and say”Yeah!”

    I just tell them to work on head shots.

  6. Unfortunately, if Marines DID show up, they’d probably be the bad guys. I think that A1S has already covered the portrayal of the military in film and tv in a previous rant…

  7. Magoo, I have to wait to watch it too you know. You are further ahead in time than I am. So there!

    Okie, not sure barracks humor would go over so well with the general public. I also wonder if they have characters do dumb stuff on purpose. Because if they actually did things survivors would do there might no be any drama.

    CI Roller, I suppose having a “ready” mindset is good but I think when the “big one” comes there won’t be much any of us can do about it one way or the other.

    Saker, true. Despite the fact military members are constantly taught ethics, moral values, and to adopt positive leadership traits, in apocalyptic flicks we are always portrayed as remorseless thugs. Go figure.

  8. Color me completely ignorant, but I was under the impression that zombies, being the undead, were impervious to bullets. But they’re probably good for target practice….

  9. Well, if you were in the show it would be a rather short show. And we wouldn’t be able to learn anything about the consequences of not following your advice on “How to survive the Zombie-Apocalypse.”, right?

    The mayhem got method.

  10. “It is also a verifiable fact zombies are not impervious to Marine 1stSgts”

    Wait!
    Isn’t that a redundent statement?

    Because we ALL know that only Kryptonite and Excessively Pink Candy scare Marine 1stSgts

    Pax

  11. Levant, the show could conceivably last a number of seasons considering sheer number of zombies and the amounts of stupid people who would need squaring away.

    Pax, I think it is established whatever that pink stuff was, it certainly wasn’t candy.

  12. I haven’t watched it either***thpfffft**** mostly because I don’t have a tv.
    So, how does America’s 1st Sgt react to pink candy??? Inquiring minds want to know……

  13. Leslie, nothing wrong with not having a TV. Although I watch most of this on the computer myself.

    America’s 1stSgt doesn’t east candy for one. Two, that vile substance was NOT candy. I say again, NOT.

    And just to clear things up even more, knowing the foulness of Australian confections I refrained from partaking in Pax’s experiment. I thought I was pretty clear on that already.

  14. @Leslie

    You do remember the other “Rules” don’t you?

    Don’t feed him after midnight

    No Bright Lights

    and Never EVER get him wet!

    [the “getting him wet one” is important because he’ll clone-multiply into many evil variations of himself… oh wait a minute… (goes to find the squirt gun)]

    Pax

  15. Okay, so I have to ask: what’s wrong with a motorcycle? I mean, once Zombies have invaded, there’s no sense in even bothering with the helmet law, so I think it’s okay. Though admittedly, it would be far better to drive a car because then at least you would have air conditioning.
    *done*

    Tree line –*check*

  16. The current rules for the Ultimate Fighting Championship were originally established by the New jersey athletic control bBoard. The unified rules of mixed martial arts that New jersey established has been adopted in other states that regulate mixed martial arts, including Nevada, Louisiana, and California. Thanks a lot.

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