International travel in the Middle East is often fraught with peril. Our hero found himself in the middle aisle wedged between a large woman who made the unfortunate choice of cologne over soap and an even more repugnant gentleman. He was a large overweight man with a dark complexion (Indian or perhaps Pakistani). His sneering upper lip sported a large flourishing mustache and equally flourishing stains radiating from under the arms of his shirt.
His manners matched his hygiene as his lip smacking and elbow flying method of eating sent particles of debris throughout the aisle. He was particularly dismissive and rude to the stewardess which quickly made him everyone’s least favorite person on the plane.
As customs forms were being handed out Mustache motioned to our protagonist with his form. Mistakenly he thought the gentleman wanted to borrow his pen but it turned out Mustache didn’t read English and needed some assistance. After a quick internal debate our hero chose to remain on the moral high ground and agreed to fill out the form for Mustache. He left some of the form blank as he didn’t know the information required and frankly wasn’t interested in engaging Mustache any more than he had to.
Later, as they were preparing to land in Jeddah, the stewardess came by and gently pressed the button on Mustache’s seat arm to raise his chair back to its full and upright position. Indignantly he slapped her hand and said something we can only assume was particularly foul and cruel to her as she immediately bolted to the back of the plane.
At this point I would like to remind my readers the genuine American Man still possesses a streak of chivalry despite the best efforts of political correctness and mythologies of feminist-nazis. This code has probably best been illustrated in the novels of the late Louis L’Amour. At any rate, our hero had quite enough of this buffoon and it was time for action.
Often when we consider defending a ladies’ honor we think of men openly challenging each other with leather gloves smacked across faces or clenched fists on the business end of bloody noses. These are all well and good but it is the 21st Century and the general public tends to frown on these types of demonstrations particularly mid flight.
Choosing his course of action, our hero reached across to Mustache’s customs form explaining he had forgotten to fill out some of the required fields.
COUNTRY OF BIRTH: I-R-A-N
OCCUPATION: M-I-L-I-T-A-R-Y I-N-T-E-L-L-I-G-E-N-C-E
Upon arriving in Saudi Arabia our hero gently chortled to himself as Mustache was energetically carted away by Saudi customs officials to no doubt endure a battery of questions concerning the purpose of his visit.
So when you get depressed and there seems to be no justice in the world, just remember, occasionally the good guys win one.