The Consequences of International Rude

We are often confronted with rude individuals. Popular opinion, despite all the evidence to the contrary, seems to believe violence doesn’t solve anything. Although I tend to disagree with popular opinion I do award points for originality and style, as I shall relate with the following tale. Let me categorically state for the record this story in no way involves myself and I am merely retelling it in my own preferred style. Nor have I ever been to Saudi Arabia where our story takes place in flight over the city of Jeddah.

International travel in the Middle East is often fraught with peril. Our hero found himself in the middle aisle wedged between a large woman who made the unfortunate choice of cologne over soap and an even more repugnant gentleman. He was a large overweight man with a dark complexion (Indian or perhaps Pakistani). His sneering upper lip sported a large flourishing mustache and equally flourishing stains radiating from under the arms of his shirt.

His manners matched his hygiene as his lip smacking and elbow flying method of eating sent particles of debris throughout the aisle. He was particularly dismissive and rude to the stewardess which quickly made him everyone’s least favorite person on the plane.

As customs forms were being handed out Mustache motioned to our protagonist with his form. Mistakenly he thought the gentleman wanted to borrow his pen but it turned out Mustache didn’t read English and needed some assistance. After a quick internal debate our hero chose to remain on the moral high ground and agreed to fill out the form for Mustache. He left some of the form blank as he didn’t know the information required and frankly wasn’t interested in engaging Mustache any more than he had to.

Later, as they were preparing to land in Jeddah, the stewardess came by and gently pressed the button on Mustache’s seat arm to raise his chair back to its full and upright position. Indignantly he slapped her hand and said something we can only assume was particularly foul and cruel to her as she immediately bolted to the back of the plane.

At this point I would like to remind my readers the genuine American Man still possesses a streak of chivalry despite the best efforts of political correctness and mythologies of feminist-nazis. This code has probably best been illustrated in the novels of the late Louis L’Amour. At any rate, our hero had quite enough of this buffoon and it was time for action.

Often when we consider defending a ladies’ honor we think of men openly challenging each other with leather gloves smacked across faces or clenched fists on the business end of bloody noses. These are all well and good but it is the 21st Century and the general public tends to frown on these types of demonstrations particularly mid flight.

Choosing his course of action, our hero reached across to Mustache’s customs form explaining he had forgotten to fill out some of the required fields.



Upon arriving in Saudi Arabia our hero gently chortled to himself as Mustache was energetically carted away by Saudi customs officials to no doubt endure a battery of questions concerning the purpose of his visit.  

So when you get depressed and there seems to be no justice in the world, just remember, occasionally the good guys win one.

Semper Fidelis!

America’s 1stSgt

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  1. This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’m beginning to loose my faith that good guys win, and bad guys stay in jail…. or get thoroughly harassed in customs.
    Thanks for a much needed smile.

  2. Yay for the American geezer. I would have felt too guilty about what could potentially happen to Moustache to be so bold.

    And yay for you too – too few people these days use the word “buffoon”.

  3. 1ST SGT,
    It’s always better to remain calm, take a few deep breaths, look around and see what is the best weapon at hand.
    Sometimes it a knife, pistol or long gun
    Sometimes, the best weapon is the writing device.

    Years ago when I flew home from (West) Germany on leave, I was going through US customs. The line was moving along at what I considered a normal pace.
    However, there was some pompas business man in line in front of me who was very vocal about how slow and stupid the customs folks were.
    I replied: “Well, they are just doing their job and I think they’re doing a good job.”

    I said this loud enough for the cumstoms agent to hear.

    They passed me through with no check on my bags and took the arrogant business man aside and went through all his bags.

    I laughed. Score one for the good guys.

  4. Leslie, I am indeed honored to be your hero. But I have to remind you I was not the hero of this particular adventure. It just wouldn’t be heroic to take credit for someone else’s awesome.

    Kristina, I do what I can.

    Lorraine, any time. It’s nice to know there are still those who stand for truth, justice, and the American way.

    Magoo, buffoon is too great a word not to use on a daily basis.

    OkieRover, thanks. I thought it was too good a story not to share.

    CI Roller, behaving with some civility is always the best course of action. I find things tend to go my way when I treat people with decency vice like servants or varmints.

  5. Red, we aim to please.

    Sisu, Castra Praetoria cannot be held liable for you inability to consume beverages as they were intended.

    Kanani, when sliding, thrusting, or otherwise plunging knives into evildoers it never pays to become emotionally invested one way or the other. This should always be done with a certain amount of cold detachment.

  6. 1st Sgt, you are right. Civility is the best way to go. Plus, I’ve received many First Class upgrades by smiling and being nice in situations where fellow travelers become buffoons.

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