Six Million Dollar SgtMaj

So after walking around for over a year with a torn labrum in my shoulder I finally got it fixed yesterday. My surgeon, the director of Sports Health for the Cleveland Clinic, also consults for the Cleveland Indians organization so I’ve been in good hands. Good thing I caught him before spring training. He gave me several pages of instruction on what I can and cannot do before leaving the hospital. I have no intention of defying medical science and am going to operate under the assumption the medical professionals know what they’re doing. Besides, the wife would scalp me with a frying pan for deviating from their recovery plan.

In pre-op I was intravenously served a fine cocktail of Versed and Fentanyl. I immediately became very chatty with all the nurses and my Korean anesthesiologist who graciously forgave my butchering of his native language. I considered the nerve block he gave me a challenge and attempted to regain control of my disobedient limb. It flopped around the gurney more like a tentacle than an arm so I soon conceded defeat. 

Somehow I missed most of the actual surgery. 

In recovery I began to experience the joys of coming down off of anesthesia. Perhaps this was payback for my lousy attempt to speak Korean? I noticed they had lashed a block of driftwood to my side with a sling. This turned out to be my arm. It was still being defiant but I no longer cared. Coming down after surgery can best be described with the word: BLEH. I didn’t feel any pain but wasn’t as sharp as my usual self and had a strong desire to remain in a reclined position. I’m normally inclined to remain standing and strike various action poses as the situation warrants. Not so much this time.

Made it home where I was able to snack and watch movies all night. Mostly I just felt like garbage as the anesthesia ran its course. Finally drifted off to sleep and promptly awoke at 0400 when the nerve block wore off. Good morning! 

Scrambled eggs and pain killers: the breakfast of champions! Note the salt and pepper shakers. It’s a mindset thing.  

Keeping my arm in a sling for the requisite 48 hours is wreaking havoc on my typing as well as a few other things. I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing for a fighting man, not being able to put on my own pants or not being able to reach for my pistol on the nightstand. I’ve made some adjustments so if the zombies come I’ll be able to make my stand from a comfortably reclined position. Fortunately I am equally confident using either hand when it comes to the war making. Now I just need to figure out how to mount a knife on my sling.

Apocalypse Kitty manning his post.

At any rate, all is well. I am blessed with the greatest nurse a fella could hope to have. She is willing and able to inflict grievous bodily harm to anyone posing a threat to my full recovery. I for one intend to keep my scalp intact.

Semper Fidelis!
America’s SgtMaj

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  1. So glad to hear you are recovering well. I hated the vulnerability after surgery. Apparently I was quite the paranoid one. I remember not being able to see everyone in the room so that put me on edge.
    Switch to Chrome and turn on the voice thing then you can just talk to the bloody computer.
    Mind your nurse and your doctors.

  2. Glad to hear you survived. Now do as you’re told and get back into the habit of posting more frequently. Three cheers for your wife and the cat, they may tire quickly with you hanging out at home. -Zail

  3. Hope you are recovering. I am sure you are following the story of Brendan Marrocco, the soldier who had the double arm transplant. Thank God for modern medicine.

  4. Don’t worry. Your cat has it covered!
    Yes, follow your surgeon’s directions. Those high powered drugs do have the side effect of constipation, so do intake at least 30 grams of fiber per day.

    I hear watching old broadway musicals does wonders in helping you heal.

  5. I had rotator cuff surgery two years ago so “I feel your pain”. This month I will have both knees scoped. Let me tell you Old Age Aint for Sissys. Do your rehab and get your range of movement back. Get to work Boot!!!

  6. ohhhwahh. and I thought you were just a cat-less cereal killer. But it appears that you’re a one-armed grenade-seasoning?? egg-eating one-armed bandit. Huh.
    Well, may your Korean quickly improve as well as your driftwood arm.
    oh…and I’m guessing you may be scalped for mounting a knife to your sling. (Something you may want to consider before you get out the duck tape).

  7. I was once administered Versed when I had a colonoscopy. Prior to administration I was eyeing the 28 feet of 1/2″ thick fiber optic that was going to go The Wrong Way with some apprehension. After they gave me the Versed they could run the thing up all the way through, pulled it out of my mouth, tied the two ends together and sent me home with no objection on my part.

  8. Sooooo…

    Have you surrendered to the urge yet?

    You know what I mean. The urge to see if you can do one measly pushup, or a triceps dip off the edge of your rack, or just one insy tensy pull up?

    I know it’s tugged at your mind by now. How can you laze around because of one little bitty thingy on your shoulder.

    Stay strong. Don’t give in. Just because you can’t do your regular routine and stay fit as a Marine should, don’t mean you’ve gone full blown civvie couch tatter… yet.


  9. Kanani, despite following your advice, there was still a mighty battle with my bowels. No musicals, but my wife is feeding me a steady diet of Grey’s Anatomy. I think it keeps me numb.

    CI Roller, bring it. I have thick skin. I’ve always said an infantryman either needs quick hands or quick wit. I like to think I have both. Well, now days a quick hand.

    Lin, I am doing my best from staying out from under the knife. Trying to focus on extending the life of the war machine vice smashing it to pieces.

    J, I have no idea what you are implying. I am a model patient.

    Glenn, thanks! Am hopeful to be back smashing Marines in the summer.

    Necro, thanks. Any reanimation tricks in your bag you care to share would be appreciated.

    Ron, yeah, it’s scary like that. Fortunately, I was told my behavior was pretty good under Versed.

    NavyOne, you sure aren’t a doctor. The fact you work in Intel is disturbing though.

    Grimmy, the amount of pain my shoulder is in has kept me from even being tempted to do any such foolishness. I’m pretty dedicated to whatever protocol my physical therapy ninjas prescribe.

  10. “I’m pretty dedicated to whatever protocol my physical therapy ninjas prescribe.”
    – America’s SgtMaj.

    Most very good to hear. *Some* personality types just can’t help pushing the limits. Most times that’s a good thing, other times not so much.

    And remember, in your current situation, pain really is weakness leaving your body.

    On another note, if you want to add moto to your Marines to help them stay in shape, you might consider reminding them that, once you’re all welled up, you’re going to have to work hard to get back into proper shape, and they’re dang well gonna match you step for step in the new routine.

    Anyhoo, thank you for keeping the faith and helping the rest of us do same.

    Semper Fi,


  11. I have just the thing to get you back in shape – drink lots of goat’s milk…..I can send you a goat, if you like. You can keep it in the bathroom.
    Just kidding….
    Hope you aren’t feeling to baaaaad, get well soon!!!

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