Setting the record straight.

Our shipmate NavyOne over at The Mellow Jihadi justifiably takes pride in the august traditions and history of his naval heritage. However, his revisionist take on events in our shared history is generally as disturbing as it is downright false. His latest post flatly accuses Marines of fighting with children. This couldn’t be further from the truth.  We completely destroyed them and make no mistake about it.

He further states: “Back in the old days, the Marine Corps and the Navy used to scrap, to brawl, quite a bit. By my count, the Navy won 52.33% of all these fights.” 

NavyOne fails to mention his figures are based solely on Navy/Marine pie eating contests, which I can attest Sailors are quite adept at.

Pie eating, Naval historians consider this a key factor in America’s victory in the Pacific.

This tradition has continued into the 21st Century. The Department of the Navy will not tolerate a pie  gap as we face new threats across the globe.  The future may be uncertain, but America can rest assured her Navy can throw down some pie!

Navy SEALs prepare to embark on a perilous mission.

Sailors who excel at the consumption of pie are promoted to Chief and given a no shave chit. These individuals are particularly hazardous at sea. As a Lance Corporal I was on a submarine once and every time Marines would fill a passageway the Sailors would roll a Chief into the narrow hall to see how many of us they could crush to death.  Our only warning was the traditional “Make way!” whereupon we futilely pressed our lean frames against the bulkhead in a vain attempt to escape our fate.

In the end, we Marines must humbly bow our heads to our Navy brethren in recognition of their superior ability to consume prodigious amounts of baked goods.  It could be the cornerstone of our national strategy to keep America free. 

Semper Fidelis!
America’s SgtMaj 

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  1. Through the years I have met several submariners. To a man, they were well above average height and tended to be round. While the Annapolis grad and basketball star David Robinson is pretty lean, the Navy saw fit to put him on a submarine for one of his summer tours as a midshipman. There’s a photo of Robinson reclining in his bunk with his knees just about touching the lockers and desk opposite. One would think that the Navy would try put its smaller officers in submarines.

  2. And you didn’t even have to go into the ritual of wearing a deck mop for a wig, a hula skirt and then eating a cherry out of the navel of a Chief.

    Navy’s real slogan:

    Go Navy! Gotta have some place to put the weirdos!


  3. Lin, it is a nice lead in to such a statement. Eh? And we don’t deal in percentages, only victory.

    Anonymous, if the armed forces started using concepts like logic it would be utter chaos! What are you thinking?

    ExAFCrewDog, I am a multiple award expert rifleman after all.

    NavyOne, I’ve met many a Sailor who was a deuce in my time. 🙂

    Grimmy, truthfully, I used to think the Corps was the last haven for the eccentric personality. Sadly this isn’t as true anymore.

    MSgt B, Marines hate losing more than they love winning. It’s a formula that works for us.

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