Reports of my demise…

A common theme in messages and e-mails I have received lately center around some concern for our well being: “Dude, your AO is on fire!” I have also been accused of all but quitting writing in general. As to not compromise operational security, I am unwilling to go into any details about what acts of valor we are currently up to. Suffice it to say FAST Company is involved in, has completed, and is planning for various missions and contingencies throughout the Middle East in an effort to deter, detect, and otherwise thwart acts of villainy.

As for our general welfare, keep in mind Marines have a terrible habit of running toward the sound of gunfire and other perils.  Throughout our careers Marines are bound to encounter hazards of a various
and sundry nature.  These threats include IED explosions, AK wielding insurgents, mortars, RPGs, pirates, communists (foreign and domestic), sharks with laser beams, and of course, brain gobbling zombies.

Of all these, easily the most dangerous hazard is advancement. I often warn my Marines the dangers of promotion. The most horrific and inevitable fate of all is having your Marines taken away and being given a desk. Regular readers already know of my love affair with all things administrative. Unfortunately, like death, this fate is nearly impossible to escape.

In the meantime, like a band of Vikings, the Marines participate in high seas adventure while I concentrate on the mind numbing awesome which regularly come across my desk.  This includes heaping praise onto mouth breathers who have managed not to get any saliva on the furniture.

What I really mean to say is despite what you may see on the news and while Marines are out on the tip of the spear, your 1stSgt is usually engaged in activity more resembling this:

I’d rather be out bayoneting villainous persons.

America’s 1stSgt

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  1. Wait until you retire. I have pointed out to my boss that I spend almost as much time documenting what I do than I actually spend doing anything.

  2. Well dude, I’m glad to see your mind numbing awesomeness back on the blog. I was thinking you’d quit writing in favor of slaying zombies, rescuing maidens, riding dragons, and commanding a Tardis.

  3. Magoo, the job is getting done. I just feel like that kid who has to watch everyone else play outside while he sits inside and does homework.

    Pax, you trying to fatten me up?

    Shay, I have often pondered my ability to adapt to civilian life. It may not go well for the civilians.

    Wrexie, if you mean Reprobates Of Unusual Size then know we are surrounded by them. It’s a Navy base after all.

    Brooksy! Yeah, there might have been some kind of ritual suicide if I had remained there. What’s new with you?

    Kanani, I know I’ve been a little remiss in the posting of fine sea stories but in my defense we have been somewhat busy. Did I mention even General Mattis came and talked to one of my platoons?

    Sisu, it makes on feel like the duece for certain.

  4. Have you tried bayoneting your computer? I’m sure you could come up with a good excuse as to why it quit working…
    (My girlfriend wanted to use her computer for target practice, but her hubby talked her out of it…to bad.)

  5. Top,
    One nice thing about having spent 16 of my military years being a “puke” in the Army National Guard (and the rest on active duty) was I didn’t have to get promoted when I had jobs I loved doing.
    I was so happy blowing things up as an engineer, that I didn’t bother getting promoted for 8 years! If I got promoted, I would have had a suckass job.
    For most of the time, I had jobs I really loved in line units.
    But I admire anybody who can do that admin stuff.

  6. “Pax, you trying to fatten me up?”

    Attempting to wrap head around concept of “fat Marine”.. nope… can’t do it.. on the same does-not-exist page as “I believe in smurfs”

    So that was a “no no I don’t need any cookies.. ” then? 😀


  7. I have to agree with PAX… I think a “FAT MARINE” is an urban myth. I’m pretty sure there is a higher chance of aliens wearing pink tutu while dancing the two step than a fat Marine!

  8. CI Roller, I’m not sure I could be found guilty of doing “that admin stuff.”

    Pax & Kristina, it is a sad truth there are a number of dirtbags masquerading as Marines. Some are easy to spot as they take the form of a pear.

    MSgt, it was great learning experience I have since put to good use. My favorite line while considering awards now days is: “That’s great he’s all these things. How did he impact the mission?”

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