My wife was recently regaling me with the antics of the Apocalypse Kitty. At one point she said: “He’s just dumb, kind of like a young unseasoned Marine.”
As the senior enlisted advisor to company and battalion commanders I am well acquainted with dumb, young Marines. Salty or unseasoned, the inventory of Marines who do stupid things is long and disastrous. Many Marines get together and tell stories which famously begin with: “This is a no-$#!#er!” Company 1stSgts and Sgts Major get together and tell stories which begin: “We had this one &#$%ing idiot…”
There’s the run of the mill stupidity which causes young jarheads to marry a local stripper. You know her, the one all the Marines in the barracks know by the stage name “Buttons.”
There are the brain surgeons who have never managed money in their lives. In modern times this takes the form of Marines who have new car payments nearly equal to their monthly pay. In my day it was Marines who repeatedly bounced checks. When you tried to explain to them they didn’t have any more money to spend they’d looked perplexed, hold up their check book and exclaimed: “But I’ve still got checks!” Terminal Lance has the all time best comic on this very subject.
In honor of acts particularly asinine, I will begin a new feature titled Radioactive Stupid. You may recall a similarly titled post from way back in 2009 Safely Handling Radioactive Stupid. Much like nuclear waste, stupidity lingers, impacting all with in its radius. These are the stories which can’t be made up.