- October 10, 2009
Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance (and zombies).
GAINESVILLE, Fla. – The University of Florida’s response plans for a zombie apocalypse are no longer available for public consumption. University spokesman Steve Orlando said Friday the university removed a link to a disaster recovery exercise, which detailed how the school could respond to an outbreak of the undead. The link was taken down late Thursday afternoon. Orlando says officials felt the joke “didn’t really belong” on the site, which also included plans for dealing with hurricanes and pandemics. The exercise lays out the university’s response to attacks by “flesh-eating, apparently life impaired individuals.” It notes that a zombie outbreak might include “documentation of lots of strange moaning.” Orlando says the employee who wrote the gag wasn’t punished, saying that it was written by an employee to “add a little bit of levity” to disaster preparation discussions.
We have a saying in the Corps: Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance (and zombies). While I applaud the university on its disaster recovery planning in the event of an emergency, I think it is utterly irresponsible of them to eliminate the zombie apocalypse scenario from their disaster preparation training. Not to mention inconsiderate to those who will no doubt be summoned to rescue these people from their lack of foresight.
That’s right; you heard me.
As soon as The University of Florida is inundated with shambling hordes of undead, everyone is going to say what they have said for over 234 years: Send in the Marines! No doubt America’s 1stSgt would have the dubious pleasure of being at the forefront of this rescue mission when personally, I would probably like nothing better than to witness a campus of university elites be devoured by a tidal wave of zombies.
I mean who wouldn’t?
Instead, the lives of thousands of response personnel will be at stake because this bastion of so called higher learning arrogantly believes that a zombie plague is a mere joke and not worth their intellectual time to consider combating.
When planning for emergencies I have found one thing to be immutably true: If your plan is zombie proof then you will be ready for any emergency imaginable. Think about it.
And for the record, if you’re with me and you get bitten by a zombie, it is my standard operating procedure to immediately ventilate your cranium. No speeches, no tearful goodbyes, no holding on to every second of precious life while I wait around for the infection to transform you into a ravening flesh eater. Nope, just one to dome then I take your water and ammo and bail out of there. I’ll cry later. Really.
Remember, during the zombie apocalypse, only head shots count.