In an effort to educate communities and individuals on the proper elimination of the ravenous undead hordes and mitigating the spread of infectious zombie viruses, May has been designated as Zombie Awareness Month.
As America’s 1stSgt, it is my duty to protect the free world and keep it safe for democracy. For you to remain uninformed of this growing threat would be irresponsible of me and I am not one to shirk my duties.
So spread the word! Remain vigilant for indicators of the impeding zombie pandemic coming soon to a neighborhood near you! Remember, shoot them in the head and they stay dead.