Only you can prevent the Zombie Apocalypse!


In an effort to educate communities and individuals on the proper elimination of the ravenous undead hordes and mitigating the spread of infectious zombie viruses, May has been designated as Zombie Awareness Month.

As America’s 1stSgt, it is my duty to protect the free world and keep it safe for democracy. For you to remain uninformed of this growing threat would be irresponsible of me and I am not one to shirk my duties.

So spread the word! Remain vigilant for indicators of the impeding zombie pandemic coming soon to a neighborhood near you! Remember, shoot them in the head and they stay dead.

This has been a public service announcement brought to you by:
America’s 1stSgt
/ / / /

32 comments

  1. What a fantastic post… you must be either bored out of your mind or you have finally gone ’round the bend completely! ;p Have a safe flight and be on the look-out for passengers who show signs of zombie-ism

  2. Don’t worry, 1SG, I already take the zombie threat very seriously. 😀 My squad created an entire intel brief on the upcoming apocalypse when the LTs weren’t looking… it was a slow day…

    Hope your flight isn’t too bad. They don’t let you take shotguns as carryon anymore, and there’s not much room to maneuver in an aircraft cabin.

  3. I personally would prefer to bring enlightenment to those in the dark.
    No.
    Not the bible.
    A flamethrower and some bite-sized, handmade napalm handgranades of course.

    Have a nice, boring and uneventful flight. Those are the safest ones.

  4. Top,
    People still don’t get it…we must be prepared for the …..aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhzzzzzzzzzzzzzommmmmmmmbiesssssss tttttttttoooooooooolllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttteeeeeeeeeee tttheygotmeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  5. I’m writing a book about caring for your pet zombie. My tactics have proven 99% effective. The 1% were those who were totally incompetent zombies, and I simply consigned them to a life of living in San Bernardino county CA.

    Sometimes I let my zombies do various household chores, or walk the dog. They’ve even been known to write my blog posts, when I’m too busy. The one thing a zombie cannot do is wash floors, which is really the pits because they leave such debris around you would not believe.

    Anyway, just so you know the secret to taking care of your pet zombie are frequent dosages of brownies and Kona coffee.

  6. Booted my last Zombie out the door after the dang-blasted thing started to leave un-speakable things on the Kitchen floor. [Never did figure out just what those things were.]

    {{{{Hugs}}}} I not fond of flying either so know where you are coming from and air ports are the pits of hellish boredom.

    Have a safe flight back to the Ninja line that’s been drawn in the sand-pit.

  7. Instead of writing this post.. you should have… ummm…hmm…cleaned my house or something… JUST KIDDING…hey, that salad you left was DELISH..I’m a new big fan of spinach now 🙂

    Safe Travels ZombieKiller…

  8. Happy travels! Fingers crossed Ash Cloud Part II doesn’t interfere. Whatever you used to do to appease the volcano-gods while you were in Hawaii, you need to start doing it again 🙂 PLEASE.

    As for zombies, i have no firearms and with my foot in plaster, i can’t outrun ’em. If the apocalypse happens anytime soon i’m a goner, so i’ll say goodbye to you all now *sniff*

  9. Am lounging in Frankfurt airport for a couple of hours.

    Red, all the passengers are showing signs. I think the cure is caffeine!

    Saker, you should send me the brief. Is it on power point? That in itself is enough to induce an outbreak.

    Levant, so far so good. I think I prefer the 14 hour non-stop flight to the broken up flight in legs. The layover is hell.

    CI Roller, if you have been bitten I WILL shoot you. Sorry, it’s not personal.

    Kanani, frequent doses of brownies make for fat zombies. Although some Kona and brownies have been known to slake their hunger for human flesh.

    Noelle, spinach is the preferred salad of choice of all zombie hunters. Read the Primal Blueprint yet?

    Miss Em, after years and years of travel it just isn’t as fun as it used to be.

    Pax, you have merely confirmed what I already suspected. Godless zombie filth!

    Magoo, you are doomed. Really, invest in a shot gun. I think they are legal in your country yes?

  10. Before I kill the zombies, I will make them muck out my barn, and then clean out the corral. The debris they leave won’t be noticeable and the neighbors are used to me shooting thing.

  11. If I still had it, I would.

    And if you can find a medium other than powerpoint that LTs can easily understand, I’ll use that. 😀

  12. Oh boy, I’m in trouble. I can’t even child proof my house well enough to keep the kids from getting in. They always find a way. How am I going to Zombie Proof my house? Will take suggestions for both problems.

  13. Already prepared, 1Sgt. I made my preparations based on The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. One can never be too ready for the zombie apocalypse!

    Safe travels!

  14. B603 head shot. Got it, only do I need 3 inch mags for my shot gun? Or is standard gonna get the job done? Suppose I can use the kids to do my evil zombie killing bidding so will let them back in the house too. If nothing else they might make good Zombie bait. Right?

  15. You DO hate flying, huh? Good news is the zombies in the plane don’t wake up until you land.
    But I know that America’s 1st Sgt. Zombie Marshall will be ready for them… you’d even throw out a brownie for the cause, wouldn’t you? THAT’s serious business.

    OH…in AZ,even zombies can carry concealed. scary, eh? (They’re a bad shot though, so no worries.)

  16. There aint no such thing as Zombies.

    Those are Undead Citizens and interfering with their feeding customs is racist!

    Also, shooting of Undead Citizens, whether it be defensive or offensive in nature, is a hate crime!

    In fact, there is now legislation pending to mandate our non-Undead Citizen children be exposed to the food culture of our Undead Citizens beginning in pre-school. Any child refusing to eat or turning up their nose at the cultural cuisine of our Undead Citizens will be marked as anti-social, probably violent and will be scrutinized for the remainder of their lives as potentially dangerously mentally ill.

    Quotas are being drawn up at this time to allow for the proper sorting of non-Undead Citizens to “volunteer” as food sources for our Undead Citizens. Remember, when the notification arrives in your mailbox, don’t be insensitive to the needs of our Undead Citizens. Just follow the directions in the notice and be proud of being chosen for your healthful contribution to the wellbeing of our Undead Citizen community.

  17. KD,
    2 3/4″ #4 Buck is fine. No need to fight the extra recoil You want to get back on target as quick as possible — Zombies tend to run in packs.

  18. b603 I’m actually a pretty good shot and have been practicing on the squirrels on my property. I think they might be controlling the zombies telepathically. I’ve been noticing unusual squirrel behavior. Just a couple weeks ago they chewed threw some wires cutting off phone and online services to 3 towns. I think they’re potting against us and are controlling the zombies to make them do their evil bidding.

  19. What I find humorous about this post is that it has generated more comments than most of my others.

    My anti-zombie weapon of choice is a Saiga-12 semi-auto shotgun. It is magazine fed and mine has mags that carry 10 and 12 rounds. I’ve been contemplating the 20 round drum too. Now THAT would be a zombie slaying beast!

  20. My personal fav anti zombie device is a steam roller. I’m gonna just squish me a path to the grocery store on the day of outbreak. Ain’t nothing getting between me and my jones for frozen pizza.

    As a back up, I have an old M1911 A1. I like the way it fits my hand, I’ve trained up on it since long ago, and already have decent stockpiles of ammo and fixins for it. It should do well enough against any remaining twitchers and the few lucky enough to get up on my ride.

    For home defense, I’m thinking about making a few of these. One per window, one for the front door.
    http://www.buckstix.com/howitzer.htm

    And, if things really fall apart here locally. I’ll just go down to the reserves and guard sheds and pick me up an M1 tank. It can’t be that hard to learn to drive one. After all, Army dogfaces can figure it out. This also fits in well with the tradition I was taught as a Marine grunt. If you need something fancy, steal it from the Army.

  21. I spent the last 3 days in FEMA-sponsored team training on how to write exercises according to Fed standards.

    By Friday the team at the next table was so thoroughly bored that their final exercise design included a terrorist attack using chemical agents on a cruise ship full of Mennonite Girl Scouts. They were trying to write in Air Force One and zombies when the instructors pulled the plug on them.

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