The web site update I wrote for October was also the first time I referred to myself as “America’s 1stSgt.” Enjoy.
One month in Iraq. Two months in Iraq. Three! Three months in Iraq!! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! [Queue thunder and lightning]
Friends and family of Kilo 3/3, welcome to the special Halloween edition of Kilo Joe, real American heroes. This month, your last and only source of all American ruggedness celebrates All Hallows Eve with a costume party! Unfortunately, we all dressed up as combat Marines. There were some guys who came dressed as insurgents but I guess they felt a little unwelcome and decided to leave. I have no idea what would give them that impression.
As we crept ominously through the month of October strange and unsettling things began to occur around our area of operations. Sightings of the elusive Chupa Cabra increased. I’m not kidding either. Our air guys claim to have spotted this creature skulking through the streets of Kharmah. No really! What was initially reported as an attack by flesh eating zombies turned out to be a squad of Marines getting up early to go stand post. What a bummer, nothing like a good early morning zombie brawl to kick the day off right. There were a number of reports of the wolfman stalking the FOB but once the Company XO put his shirt back on the villagers took their pitchforks home without incident.
This month also marked the founding of the Kilo Gentlemen’s Club. This exclusive association sponsors a number of activities for men of distinguished taste in an effort to cultivate a more refined atmosphere around the FOB. These include mustache grooming, cigar smoking, and Chupa Cabra catch and release programs.
Due to the efforts of your Marines, schools in our neighborhood have begun to reopen much to the horror of the local children and the delight of their parents. We have given out all kinds of school supplies, toys, and enough candy to keep Iraqi dentists employed for years. Thanks to the conduct of our men, the local people enjoy a measure of security they have not had in a long while. Rest assured that Company K continues to give a first rate performance. They are doing good things out here. They are winning.
1stSgt M. S. Burke
I mean really, did you think I wasn’t going to mention zombies in at least one web site update?