No Crying in the Apocalypse: Zombie Awareness Month!

May is Zombie Awareness Month. By no coincidence it is also Military Appreciation Month. Two great tastes that taste great together! In order to increase awareness of why you should appreciate your military for keeping the ravenous hordes of undead at bay, I’m pointing out a few simple apocalyptic tips and links below. During an outbreak of zombie plague my world view will be pretty black and white, so brace yourself.

On Surviving The Zombies:

    1. There is only one way to kill the stinkin’ things. Brain ’em. You’d think everyone would know this by now. Traumatic brain injury is how we slay the undead. Find something heavy and smash their brain housing group. It’s that easy. Stop riddling the undead with bullets and marveling as they continue to shamble on. It’s a waste of ammo and drives your SgtMaj berserk.

               Despite what The Walking Dead may have taught you, human skulls have rarely been penetrated by a pocket knife. Get something bigger.

    2. Friends and family who are infected are no longer your friends and family. I love watching characters agonize about the undead being people and how there may be a cure. Anyone or anything actively trying to kill you have become the BAD GUYS. When bad guys are a threat to your survival, they need to be eliminated post haste.

    3. Boarding yourself up in a house and waiting for the plague to blow over is a death sentence.   There is a reason military types tend to say things like: “shoot, move, and communicate.” The law of the jungle proves the more aggressive species tend to thrive. All the successful predators stay on the move; sharks, lions, tigers, etc. Lose you ability to remain mobile and you dramatically decrease your ability to stay alive. I recommend becoming apex (zombie slaying) predators and aggressively conduct patrols. Kill zombies by the truck load.

    4. If you are someone who can’t get through the week without consuming fast food from the “drive thru” or who cooks meals solely in the microwave, you are probably not going to make it through an apocalypse. Sorry.

      Finally, I’m all caught up on The Walking Dead Season 3 [SPOILER!]. I would like to point out if the Governor bit off two of my fingers it would mean I still had three good digits to ram into his remaining eye. They need more Marines on the show and less stupidity. Imagine what the show would have been like if the Governor had been replaced with the SgtMaj. Yeah! That show would rock.  Until that happens we can content ourselves with talking zombies and an apocalyptic musical below.

Semper Fidelis!
America’s SgtMaj

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5 comments

  1. The Walking Dead reminds me of that old saying “If you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.” If nothing else, that show will teach everyone what NOT to do when the Apocalypse happens…

    I always imagine a lot of yelling at the tv and possibly thrown objects whenever you watch the Walking Dead, SGM.

  2. Saker, indeed. My wife won’t even watch it with me. Whenever we watch a show and I loudly sigh and put my head down, it’s a signal they’ve just ruined it for me with their bad tactics, weapons handling, etc.

    A friend of mine once described The Road as a fine book of instruction on how NOT to survive the apocalypse.

  3. In order to attract people to our booth at the Disaster Expo this Saturday, we offered free zombie makeup to any kid who had his/her parents’ permission.

    We were in competition with fire trucks, a real live Dalmation, puppets and a medevac helo…we had to do SOMETHING.

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