- April 2, 2009
Herding Cats with Baseball Bats
This week is a painful endurance of pre-deployment madness. Not that the things that have to get done are non-sense. It just feels like non-sense.
For me this takes the form of cornering young Marines and explaining through clenched teeth the importance of getting their service record book audits completed before deployment and why doesn’t he have his family care plan turned in to the Family Readiness Officer?
Next, my fists begin to transform into jackhammers as I describe to the errant youngster my unfathomable satisfaction after ripping a person’s arm off and beating them with the sticky end.
Not surprisingly enlisted men are not the major violators at this stage.
It’s usually the odd Lieutenant that I have to hold down by his throat and groin while one of my Corpsmen administers a host of vaccinations that he had been brushing off.
In my battalion, missing a dental appointment is probably the number one reason why Marines end up needing dental work in the first place.
Then I have the awesome task of convincing my guys that all the liquor in the United States will still be here when we get back in seven months. Thus they really don’t need to go out and try drinking it ALL this weekend.
Here’s something that gives me cancer, Marines who haven’t let anyone in their family back home know they are deploying. Last year I had one of my platoon sergeants stand on a Marine’s neck as he dialed his mother. Hello mom? Yeah, um…just wanted to let you know I’m in Iraq. THAT went over greeeeeeeeeat.
Of course, two weeks before deployment everyone just HAS TO get married. It’s enough to make me want to hammer nails into my temples.
I just really need to deploy. Life is so much simpler. Sigh.