Heard in the clear, lickin’ chicken!

Heard loud and clear over the open net, more pearls of wisdom and wit recorded for posterity. 


My wife often laments she must watch television and movies with her Marine husband. She claims my running commentary on the mishandling of weapons and other martial subjects sometimes ruins the experience. She may have a point:  

“Watching The Wizard of Oz with different eyes than I did when I was a kid. Dorothy is dancing around Munchkin Land escorted by an entire platoon of Munchkin riflemen when the Wicked Witch appears. Not one of those weak ass Munchkin soldiers squeezed a shot off at that hag. Obviously, Oz needs a good SgtMaj.”

I would have a short career as a flight attendant:

“You! Stop screwing around and take your seat! Sit down bone head! The laws of physics compel you to conclude that bag will not fit overhead. Are you completely insane?”

When it comes to the extensive amount of time spent meeting annual training requirements, opinions may vary: 

“I would like to categorically state for the record I can make more of an impact in five minutes of teaching sexual assault prevention than any single three hour block of instruction mandated by the SAPR program.”

I suspect the problems with our societal issues run much deeper than they appear on the surface:

“When I dropped my iPhone in Starbucks about eight people audibly gasped, and one girl actually said ‘Are you okay?!?‘”   

Current events always inspire the deepest thinking:

“Watching all the news coming out of the Middle East reminds me why I never visited there with anything less than a company of Marines.”

“King Abdullah is Chuck Norris!”

In the ongoing verbal sparring of Him vs Her, She generally gets the upper hand.

Her: “So which of these perfumes do you like?”
Him sniffing her wrists: “They both smell pretty good.”
Her: “Well no kidding, I don’t buy any perfume that smells like cow shit.”

Generally, but not always. 

Her: “During a hearty discussion (read: argument) he sometimes yanks his pants down to his ankles in attempt to win. This is where the magic goes to die.”

Seeing veterans adjust to life as university students is often comical:

“Attention college [students]: If you desperately want to be taken seriously (like an adult) maybe it’s time to retire the skateboard. Leave it in the garage next to your Big Wheel and pogo stick.”

 Semper Fidelis!
America’s SgtMaj

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5 comments

  1. 1. Didn’t marry until I left the Corps.
    2. Sometimes think the wife is a better Marine than I ever was.
    3. The doghouse is a permanent spiritual state -and I am in it.
    4. Keep up the good writing. Glad some one with heavy rank in the Corps is still making sense.
    V/R JWest

  2. S’funny, the spousal unit hates watches war movies with me because I nit-pick. Not so much weapons as uniforms. Don’t dress up an actor in a Yankee blue suit with red stripes down his legs and then try to tell me he’s in the infantry.

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