Heard In The Clear! Conversing with televisions.

More timeless comments preserved for all posterity. Since my tradition on Black Friday is to stay indoors and watch TV, this episode will center around remarks made to and about the nonsense spewed forth from the television. It’s nick-named the Idiot Box for a reason I suppose.

I am constantly amazed at the nonsense news anchors are able to say during live broadcasts and still keep their jobs.

CNN anchor remarking about a news item: “Who could rob a church and shoot a priest?”
Me: “Obviously an asshole.”

News anchor speaking over security video of someone shooting at a van: “A gunman started firing off dozens of shots in the middle of a quiet neighborhood. What was this person thinking?”
Me: “I suppose he was thinking of killing people, but what do I know?”

What producers decide is actual news is somewhat confounding to me: “Dear media, the story that Justin Bieber conducts himself like a douche is, in fact, not news.”

Remember the media histrionics around Malaysia Flight 370? Here was my take: “BREAKING! Five page report on Flight 370 only has one word on each page: WE. DON’T. KNOW. WHAT. HAPPENED.”

Watching movies and TV with my wife has been a great source of observations and one liners.

She had never seen Dead Poets Society before so we watched it recently. Half way through the film she remarked: “This movie gave your life purpose didn’t it.”

While watching Superman Returns (2006) with the wife I was bad mouthing Lois Lane as a traitorous scamp for writing the article, “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman.”
Her: “You know, these people don’t really exist.”

Me: “SHUT your heathen mouth.”

Truer words were never spoken.
Her: “If Bella were dead the vampires and the werewolves could all live happily ever after.”

She never was a comic book fan.
Her: “If Bruce Wayne had been afraid of clowns this would have been a much different movie.”

Then there was the time we watched the Game of Thrones marathon.

Me: “I don’t think I could be one of the Black Watch.”
Her: “Please, before you met me your entire Marine Corps career was the Black Watch.”

A remark she made right after Rob Stark secretly married Talisa: “Didn’t they learn ANYTHING from Braveheart? Secret marriages never end well.”

‪Of course, I could not refrain from making my own observations about the show: “If I were Robb Stark’s SgtMaj there would have been less weddings and more taint kicking. The SgtMaj of the North! The SgtMaj of the North!‬”

Carry on with the plan of the day!
SgtMaj of the North

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  1. My son’s 10th grade English teacher showed the class “Dead Poet’s Society.” My son was deeply moved by it. I went back in my brain, excavated my memory of watching that movie when it first came out, and remembered my dominant emotion: I really, truly, totally, absolutely, and completely hated it.

    This may explain why my son confounds me so often. I am not now, nor have I ever been, an adolescent boy.

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