Most of us begin our day with the darkly brewed nectar of life known as coffee. For many it increases the possibility of epic fantasy adventure.
“I prefer to walk into Starbucks vice use the drive through. The chance of stumbling into a clutch of hippies or the odd coven meeting is worth it.”
Sometimes watching the previews at the movies is the best part of the show. Sometimes it’s just a letdown.
Her: “Oh, is that the 47 Ronin?”
Him: “Yeah, the bullshit version.”
Perspective. It can get tricky.
“So Miley Cyrus is complaining of the double standard in Hollywood because she was criticized for her VMA performance and Robin Thicke wasn’t. Honey, he wasn’t the one shoving a giant foam hand up his ass!”
“Men, when you’re walking by the laundry room and your wife says: ‘Why don’t you take off those pants?’ It’s not what you think it is.”
A short conversation as I climbed into my Service C uniform one Friday.
Her:“Oh! You’re wearing your hotdog selling hat.”
Me: “It’s a piss cutter woman! PISS. CUTTER.”
Working behind a desk in the computer age can make one long for a simpler time of hunting insurgents or sabre toothed cats. Heated conversations between me and desktop computers are the stuff of legend.
Computer: “SYSTEM COULD NOT LOG YOU ON. YOUR CREDENTIALS COULD NOT BE VERIFIED.”
Me: “Sorry Marine Corps, looks like zero work will be completed today.”
Most who regard themselves as gunslingers tend to hold a dim view of those they perceive as rear echelon types spending little time overseas and even less time outside the wire. Often their input or decision making is considered questionable at best. The reaction to their contribution by meat eaters is always comical.
“Pogues! Useless. War. Tourists.”
Satire. Tastes can vary.
“I told my wife to stop quoting Doctrine Man and read Terminal Lance instead. Doctrine Man is just a sarcastic officer. Lance Corporals are always funny.”
The selfie is a modern phenomenon. Inflated self esteem is not.
Reservist: “Here’s a picture of me doing my sniper training. Don’t I look like a total bad ass?”
Childhood Friend: “Dude, I knew you when you dressed like Michael Jackson and made your own music videos. I will never be able to think of you as a bad ass.”