If you are actually participating in it, real life is far more awesome than the made up stuff. I usually have a small notebook in my pocket to record some of the more worthy gems I hear uttered out of the human pie hole. Today’s offering is a small sample of that. No prizes this time for guessing which quote can be attributed to yours truly.
“I will fund terrorism with my money before I give it to MWR.”
A response to MWR raising all their prices in the food court by 15%. Sadly, neither the quality nor quantity of the chow improved by 15%. This has prompted many of us to spend as little money as possible on base.
“Why don’t you just go join the Taliban you traitorous @$#%!”
On occasion young Marines need to view the results of their decisions in a different light. Some are reminded in a concussive auditory fashion that every man is the architect of his own destiny.
“My integrity is for sale.”
Depression is a terrible thing.
“I can’t help it if a kid’s GIANT wedgie reminds me of you.”
Some people get offended at the slightest thing.
“Women marry men expecting they will change. Men marry women expecting nothing will change. Marriage: it’s a dirty joke!”
As an unmarried man I have no opinion on the matter. Ladies, take this up with your husbands.
“Shopping is to women as sex is to men. It’s 98% visual, but there’s very little purchasing.”
THIS WAS NOT ME.
“Never pass up an opportunity to take a leak.”
Life changing advice. Write it down.
“Saving the world, one roster at a time.”
This will resonate with those familiar with any kind of administrative work.
“Hey everybody, my sim got laid last night!”
A sad indictment on 21st Century human interaction and modern American culture.
“Some people are like sea anchors; they’re just slowing down the boat.”
And you know who you are too.
“Let me explain the system to you: grass is pretty and it’s green; cows,
sheep, and horses eat the pretty, green grass. Generally speaking, we then
eat the cows and sheep, and on the rare occasion, the horses.
Now, it might seem more efficient to simply bypass the cow and sheep, and go straight to eating the grass. The problem is as far as I can tell every culture who went to eating the grass was wiped out by the cultures who continued to eat grass-eaters.”
Makes you want to go out and have a steak right now doesn’t it?