Heard in the clear…

If you are actually participating in it, real life is far more awesome than the made up stuff. I usually have a small notebook in my pocket to record some of the more worthy gems I hear uttered out of the human pie hole. Today’s offering is a small sample of that. No prizes this time for guessing which quote can be attributed to yours truly.

“I will fund terrorism with my money before I give it to MWR.”
A response to MWR raising all their prices in the food court by 15%. Sadly, neither the quality nor quantity of the chow improved by 15%. This has prompted many of us to spend as little money as possible on base. 

“Why don’t you just go join the Taliban you traitorous @$#%!”
On occasion young Marines need to view the results of their decisions in a different light.  Some are  reminded in a concussive auditory fashion that every man is the architect of his own destiny.

“My integrity is for sale.”
Depression is a terrible thing.

“I can’t help it if a kid’s GIANT wedgie reminds me of you.”
Some people get offended at the slightest thing.



“Women marry men expecting they will change. Men marry women expecting nothing will change. Marriage: it’s a dirty joke!” 
As an unmarried man I have no opinion on the matter. Ladies, take this up with your husbands.



“Shopping is to women as sex is to men. It’s 98% visual, but there’s very little purchasing.”
THIS WAS NOT ME.

“Never pass up an opportunity to take a leak.”
Life changing advice. Write it down.

“Saving the world, one roster at a time.”
This will resonate with those familiar with any kind of administrative work.

“Hey everybody,  my sim got laid last night!”
A sad indictment on 21st Century human interaction and modern American culture. 

“Some people are like sea anchors; they’re just slowing down the boat.” 
And you know who you are too.

“Let me explain the system to you: grass is pretty and it’s green; cows,
sheep, and horses eat the pretty, green grass. Generally speaking, we then
eat the cows and sheep, and on the rare occasion, the horses.
Now, it might seem more efficient to simply bypass the cow and sheep, and go straight to eating the grass.  The problem is as far as I can tell every culture who went to eating the grass was wiped out by the cultures who continued to eat grass-eaters.”
Makes you want to go out and have a steak right now doesn’t it?

Semper Fidelis!
America’s 1stSgt

/ / / /

18 comments

  1. While I was eating a bag of spinach on the job, a co-worker gave me a grim look and he said: “Thats not food, thats what food eats.”
    I’m guessing you agree with that guy?

    Funny post, thanks for the laughs!

  2. Top, had to knock the cobwebs out of the brain housing group.
    When I was a grunt (E2 Private) I had an E4 team leader tell me when we went for little hike.
    “when we stop for a break…don’t stand if you can sit. If you can sit, you can lay down. If you can lay down, take a nap…you might not get a chance later.”

    Another E2 had the bright idea when we went to the field..why put water in your canteen when you can fill it with vodka?
    He was kind of useless most of the time.

  3. Spending some time down American Alley? There is a great French cafe in Jufair (I think it’s in Jufair) called Lilou’s. Most awesome breakfast!

    Definite words of wisdom, although #4 might cause a fight and #5 is common nurse philosophy.

  4. CI Roller, why stand when you can sit is indeed ancient and wise knowledge. I also recall a Cpl in my first unit who filled his canteen with Wild Turkey. It didn’t work out too well for him if memory serves.

    Riley, I am totally in favor of eating vegetarians before horses. Hope that clears things up.

    Magoo, feel free to ask questions. You know what they say…

    Powdergirl, I have been known to abuse a bag of spinach here and there. Although I agree with the sentiment of your co-worker your response should have been: “You eat sailors? A-gah-gah-gah-gah!”

    Sisu, American Alley is a tourist trap but it’s ok. Will check out your suggestion and let you know how it goes.

  5. Oops, my mistake; it’s in Adliya. Tourist trap is one word for it; I’d have to go with over stimulation of epic proportions. My anti- social nature couldn’t take it.

  6. Sisu, what did you order for the most awesome breakfast?

    Powdergirl, that’s what I am here for; comic relief.

    Magoo, I don’t have MWDs in my command anymore sorry.

    Pax, I do not pretend to support, understand, or condone what goes on in the Navy when they are off duty. It is a strange and esoteric cult it is.

  7. I LOVE the Popeye reference… it made me laugh out loud too.

    As far as the views on women… if you can find a GOOD woman, whatever you give her she will make it greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you giver here a house, she’ll give you a home. If you giver her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you giver her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you giver her any crap, be ready to receive a TON of shit. =)

  8. A1S, you are truly a delight to read first thing in the morning, preferably after I have swallowed my coffee. When I read your blogs like this one in which you report these overheard little nuggets of wisdom, I always wonder: did he have to keep a straight face while listening to that, or did he bust a gut? Be blessed, First Sergeant.

  9. I always had this brioche with egg, veal bacon (which I loved!), cheese sauce and hashbrowns; which may be pretty light fare for you. My friend’s husband always had a more manly meal…I just forget what. I also fell in love with Monsoon (Thai, Indonesian, Vietnamese)for dinner.(insert choir of angels here) I think I ate non stop the whole 10 days I was there….

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