Films Starring America’s SgtMaj #2

Some time ago I ruminated about the idea of horror films starring yours truly.

I feel horror and science fiction genre films in general would benefit from an infusion of action biased sensibility. As someone who suffers from such a bias, I would happily offer my services in any movies currently in production or being remade. It drives me utterly bat guano when characters in movies make moronic decisions because they lack any common
 natural sense of self preservation.

How would these films benefit from my influence? Here’s a prime example, below is a trailer for a movie I recently watched called The Purge.

The Purge starring America’s SgtMaj

Effeminate Pretty Boy Douche: “Give us what we want or we’ll rip the doors off and kill your whole family.”

America’s SgtMaj: “Come in so I can embrace you properly.”

*10 solid minutes of muzzle flashes, roaring gun fire, and mewling of entitled dickwads who thought they knew something about warfare. Roll credits.

On the other hand, movies like Gravity, if starring America’s SgtMaj, would have to be retitled: Space Suit Full of Skid Marks and Piss.

Semper Fidelis!
America’s SgtMaj

/ / / /


  1. To be fair, I haven’t seen “The Purge” but in the trailer, it states that there are no legal ramifications for 24 hours. Why wouldn’t you start blasting the second somebody breached the perimeter?

  2. In the movie the security system consists of big metal sheets which slide down over all the doors and windows and a CCTV system. Even my wife was wondering why there wasn’t some kind of hatch to open and fire through. If I lived in a world with a Purge in it I would be on the top floor firing down on anyone fool enough to set foot on my property. The Purge only lasts 12 hours and only class 4 weapons and lower are allowed to be used. It never really explains what class 4 is but I assumed it meant firearms.

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