Beware Aussies Bearing Gifts!

Some time ago NavyOne was the target of a morally reprehensible and cruel gastronomical attack. The innocent and friendly looking confection actually disguised a product so malevolent it nearly escapes description. This unwarranted assault was viciously perpetrated by an evil doer of base and vile motives.
During this period the Camp of the Praetorians also received a package containing this seemingly innocuous product. The shipping information with in seemed innocent enough:
1 Lapel Pin, Friendship (friendship indeed!) 2-flag
1 Arnotts Ginger Nut, Size 200g
1 Arnotts Scotch Finger (oh, we go the finger all right), Size 375g
1 Eucalyptus Drops, size 70g (Isn’t that poisonous?)
1 B&G Musk Sticks, size 200g (as it turns out, the most profane product ever produced down under. B&G = Blood & Guts?)
However, being familiar the source of this foulness and its effects, I did what any red blooded American would: I searched out unsuspecting victims and took pictures!
What follows may not be suitable for all audiences. Captions are actual quoted responses of individuals involved. Mostly.
The setup: “Got some goodies from some milsupporters…”
“Do you know these people?”

“Is this dog food?”



“P-tuh! Why do they hate us?”


“Here Marine, don’t say I never gave you anything.”

“What? This isn’t so bad…”
“It burns! It buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrnns!”
The CO: “What kind of malefeciance are you up to?”
“This is one of those urnial cakes isn’t it.”
“You’re all fired.”
This week we are all attending Post Traumatic Musk Stick counseling.
Semper Fidelis,
America’s 1stSgt
/ / / /


  1. “an evil doer of base and vile motives”

    *waves hand* I guess that would be me?

    Hmm… you know… I’m not too surprised that N1 isn’t quite au fait on the definition of EVIL (he being, as we know, a *cough* officer *cough* and shielded from much that is wrong in the world) but I’m quite surprised that a rough tough cream-puff A1S marine would confuse Sweet, Charming Moi with such a thing. Has he, we wonder, been going outside in the heat without a Hat? (I hear it’s very sunny over there) Perhaps some kind soul should gift him something for his occupationally follicly-challenged noggin. Oh wait….

    And I must say – your CO!!

    “The CO: “What kind of malefeciance are you up to?”


    Could you please ask him where he would like the formerly-belonging-to-you Christmas parcel of Mountain-Thunder Kona Coffee shipped? [You wanted evil? And Lo it appears! Bwahaha!]

    As for the poor taste-bud challenged members of Fast Company… you know guys – if you actually followed MY blog you would have had pre-warning of the Insidious Pinkness’s impending arrival in your zone []

    But it’s not too late to embrace the Paxness (especially since I believe I need a Cohort, at least, of Evil Minions to do my bidding) I promise that liking Aussie Sweets is NOT a requirement

    Oh and pay no attention to that
    A1S fella behind the curtain… – he’s just jealous that I didn’t send him his very own Tinned Marsupial plushie

    [seriously… you dissed the badge? Someone needs a spanking!]

    Pax [the not-really-evil but willing-to-take-lessons]

  2. You seem to imply this was a deliberate act of aggression against US forces. A co-ordinated attack on the both US Navy and Marine Corps. Shocking.

    [Nice one, Pax. Your international assembly of Gastronom-nom-nom-ic Evil is obviously a formidable organisation, comparable only to SPECTRE, perhaps?]

  3. Pax said: he being, as we know, a *cough* officer *cough* and shielded from much that is wrong in the world.

    Nice blog you have there, Paxford. I would hate to see anything, you know, happen to it. . .

  4. Pax, as the B&G will tell you, pink and frilly does not mean sweet and good. Your years supply of PB&J is en route.

    Magoo, keep in mind your people sent Pax’s to Australia for a reason. Remember?

    NavyOne, need security on this op?

  5. A1S: Security? I was more thinking of driving you to the battle in an LHD. And then your murderous band of cutthroats can ply your lethality.

    That is how it works, right? The Navy drives the bus and provides torpedos and torpedo sandwiches. You do the heavy lifting. . .

  6. @N1 – Excellent! Thanks for proving my point there! [and it had better be the GOOD ice cream!]

    @A1S – strangely my fear of retribution from any Marines – and you and yours in particular – is zero. Cause everyone knows YOU are the GOOD GUYS and keep us safe.

    Now about the PB&J – Smuckers Brand please!

    Pax (apparently still Evil)

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