People often ask what is the best martial art to train in? What’s your favorite technique? How do you counter the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder (or whatever technique you prefer)? Who would win, a samurai or a knight? The debate surrounding these issues are ongoing, pointless, and lame.But for the sake of those who think these questions are important, I will do my level best to answer them.
Q: What’s your favorite technique?
A: Accurate shot placement
Q: What’s the best weapon to carry?
A: A radio handset with an artillery battery at the other end. If you don’t think that’s martial arts then you are sadly mistaken.
Q: Is the ‘Death Touch’ a real thing?
A: Do not let him get close enough to you to do the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. How? The best counter I know is the Flamethrower Technique. There is also the Runaway Technique. I think you get the idea.
A: A Marine and his rifle.Q: What’s the best martial art to train in?
A: This was best answered by Col George H. Bristol, the Marine responsible for creating the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program. He said all martial arts are good, it just depends on what you want out of it. He followed this by stating Marines train for victory on the battlefield.
So with victory in mind I will now deliver a period of instruction which will make you, yes YOU, an all American butt kicking machine in five easy steps. True believers, let me introduce you to the fighting secrets of Irish Judo…
Combative Secrets of Irish Judo:
Step One: Get a brick.
Step Two: Get a sock.
Step Three: Place the brick into the sock.
Step Four: Tie a knot in the sock.
And here you have the final product.
Oh yes, and here is Step Five:
You will notice that the Bad Guy has been struck from behind with a vicious Irish Judo Chop. In mainstream martial arts this is called UNFAIR. On the battlefield this is called VICTORY. In Irish Judo this is called HEY, HE WAS LIKE THIS WHEN I GOT HERE.
Congratulations, you’ve completed the training. You are now an expert in Irish Judo and all that it entails.
Naysayers may make remarks to the effect of, “Yeah, well if you had to get in the ring with the heavyweight champion of Ultimate Knuckle-dragger Championship, you’d get your ass kicked.” This is without a doubt true. The difference is, I wouldn’t enter the ring just to have some bruiser batter my face with his lunch pail sized fists. If I did, it is more likely I’d bury the nearest fire axe in his forehead. Though I feel having familiarity with open handed fighting is wise, I assume there is a reason ancient man fashioned spears and eventually invented gunpowder. Thus, my preference is for weapons based training of all kinds.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Ultimate Knuckledragger Championship as much as anyone. It meets all my minimum requirements in regards to entertainment, but as a means of modern combative engagement, not so much. Irish Judo, on the other hand, is a time proven method of conflict resolution.
WARNING: Do NOT try any of this at home. The personnel depicted in the above photos are TRAINED EXPERTS in the most lethal and esoteric combat systems known to man. Just looking at these pictures has taken a good 45 minutes off your lifespan.
No Irish were hurt during production of this demo.
America’s SgtMaj is a 2d Degree Black Belt Instructor Trainer in the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program and holds a 10th Degree Black Sock in Irish Judo. He prefers the bayonet to the spinning back fist.