A Christmapocalyptic Carol

As we shamble closer to Christmas Day I thought it was appropriate to share a warm Christmapocalyptic carol with you. If you all are extra special good there may be more where this came from.

Wilbur the infected was reanimated ghoul,
With fractured teeth and a missing nose,
And glazed eyes without a soul.

The Plague of Undeath was a fairy tale they said,
But what do you know the dead arose
And on living flesh they fed.

There must have been a mishap at
The laboratory they found.
For when they shot the mad doctor dead
His corpse still danced around!

O , Wilbur the infected did bite ferociously,
And survivors learned the only cure was
Traumatic brain injury.

Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpetty thump thump,
Wilbur’s banging down the hatch
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpetty thump thump,
Someone brain him with an axe!

America‘s 1stSgt took action with no delay
He yelled, “Let’s run and grab our guns
Before the zombies can get away!”

Down to the village, with a rifle in his hand,
On a shooting spree slaying zombies
Reloading as he ran.

He shot them down in the streets of town
Right to the court house step.
And he only paused a moment when
He fixed his bayonet.

For Wilbur the infected had escaped into the night
But the 1stSgt said Wilbur’d stay dead
After a bayonet through the eye.

Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpetty thump thump,
Which way’d the zombie go?
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpetty thump thump,
Could you spare some ammo?

As is my Christmas tradition, I have a zombie movie all qued up and ready for viewing this weekend. If you need any tips on how to survive a zombie apocalypse during the holidays check out the video I posted last year here.

America’s 1stSgt

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  1. I have to pat myself on the back, as I recognized the Frosty theme immediately (the Thumpeties at the end helped).

    Zombies are an interesting Christmas tradition, but whatever gives you the warm and fuzzies — well, I say, go for it!

  2. Did you write this, 1st Sgt? Damn! You are talented. I am so singing this to my mom on Christmas.

    Merry Christmas to you and your Marines! I love you guys!


  3. New Christmas tradition – I will go blast Zombie targets on Christmas Day!! I will drink the egg nog (with brandy) AFTER killing the zombies.
    Merry Christmas to you, 1st Sgt and to all of your Marines.
    That’s the best version of “Frosty” I’ve heard!!! You should record it.

  4. Book, it all started when I was home on leave one Christmas and my teenage cousins came over and we watched a bunch of awful zombie flicks. They lived only a couple houses over and they had rather terrifying walk home in the snow.

    CI Roller, glad you enjoyed it. Also happy to influence a younger generation.

    Kanani, why thank you. I have something even better lined up for Christmas Eve.

    Shay, I have a couple of zombie t-shirts. One of my Marine got me a zombie movie starring Billy Zane to watch this weekend.

    Erika, I wrote it in the sense I looked at the original and changed the words to suit my version of the story. Merry Christmas to you!

    NavyOne, Christmas sardines? Must be a Sailor thing.

    Leslie, just make sure no egg nog before shooting zombies. It can go south quick that way. Alas, singing isn’t exactly a talent of mine. Glad you liked it!

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