Adventures In Online Training!

In the 21st Century, the modern warrior is required to complete online courses in order to effectively function in any clime and place. For instance, I’m required to annually retake the same banal online class about tobacco cessation even though I don’t use tobacco. Considering the audience, you’d think they’d offer an online class in pornography cessation instead, but what do I know.

Recently I had to take a battery of online courses in order to qualify to approve my Family Readiness Officer’s time card. I’m not sure why simply having a time card that I sign with a pen doesn’t suffice but I’ve discovered throughout my career that a number of cottage industries are kept alive by insisting only “qualified” individuals are capable of completing certain tasks. I logged on to MarineNet only to be told I needed to set up a new account. I tried to and the villainous AI told me I already had an account. Sigh…

So I submitted a trouble ticket to the Service Desk in order to reactivate my account. It required a detailed description of the problem. Here is what I sent them:

“When I try to re-activate my account the system tells me to pound sand.
When I try to create a new account the system says I already have one. It is
my life’s dream to spend my days taking online courses, learning information
I will never retain, in order to be qualified to punch my FRO’s time card.
If I can’t get this account activated America’s shores will no doubt be
overrun with bloodthirsty savages bent on the dismantling of the
Constitution and the subjugation of free people everywhere. Please help.”

My account was reactivated in a matter of a few hours. It was probably some nameless drone who no doubt has my trouble ticket printed out and posted in his drab cubicle now. Maybe his name is LCpl Kafka?

Semper Fidelis!

America’s SgtMaj

/ / / /


    1. You’ve got it easy Mike. Think about the poor ISIL Sergeant Major trying to get online while he’s enforcing fatwas and having kids behead their mothers while the psyops spam fills his inbox and bombs keep hitting his dish.

    2. To America’s SgtMaj and all others on active duty:

      My heart goes out to you. I am soooo glad ( cue Cream’s ” I’m so glad “) that I am no longer in Service.


    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published.