Heard In The Clear!

For some time now I’ve been sharing quotable remarks heard loud and clear and right out in the open. Here is our latest installment for your approval.

By far the greatest pearls cast before this swine are from my wife. Part of a successful marriage is understanding what kind of animal she dragged home:
“Remember the first time you met my parents? They pretty much thought I brought home a feral wolf that shat all over the carpet and drapes. Great first impression.”

Sweet nothings, sometimes they are neither:
Me: “I’ve got your six babe.”
Her: “Right, you’ve got my six so you can feel me up.”
Me: “So everybody wins, right?”

She is convinced I not only breathe oxygen, but also cold cuts:
“Is it hard for you to swallow? I mean, since you don’t ever bother to chew your food.”

I think it’s a love/hate relationship for most women:
“Victoria’s Secret is just a catalog of uncomfortable swimwear. Who goes to the beach with that much material shoved up their ass?”

Speaking of first impressions:
“Her name was Tiffany with a ‘Y’, so right away you knew she was classy.”

Concerning the use of social media:
“I’m just a little bit miffed that every time Facebook asks me where I live it won’t accept ‘your mom’s house,’ as an answer.”

Capitalism is alive and well:
“I’ll take the fall for ‘Deflate Gate,’ all I need is a check for 2.5 million dollars and season tickets for the rest of my life. Thanks.”

The kind of fitness report remark that would only impress a Marine:
“Leads with all the subtlety of a tropical storm.”

Concerning pop music:
“She’s got a long list of ex lovers, and frankly I’m tired of hearing about it.”

Finally, a note on the various ways learning occurs: 
“Some kids just need to be told not to touch the stove. Other kids need to see someone else touch the stove. Then there are the kids who won’t learn until they touch the stove themselves.”

Semper Fidelis!
America’s SgtMaj

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2 comments

  1. And then there are the kids like mine who can’t seem to stop touching the stove over and over. I swear that, for reasonably bright kids, they have the world’s slowest learning curves.

    Your wife, by the way, sounds delightful.

  2. “Experience holds a dear school and fools learn by none other.”

    Don’t remember who gets the credit for that one, but it is so true… for me.

    – Grimmy

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